Warhammer 40,000 is a tabletop wargame set roughly 38,000 years in the future, during a time of grim, darkness, grim darkness, dark grimness, and there is only war. Everything is hilariously over-the-top grimdark (except for the Tau, but they have nice guns. I'll get to that in a bit.). You build an army, literally, they are small plastic figures that are pretty customizable, and then you get to paint them any way you wish. The franchise has grown considerably, there are a number of novels, video games, comics, and a full-length movie that is better off forgotten (likely killing off the hopes of another, hopefully better one). So I thought I'd give an overview of the factions and armies on the tabletop. Here are a couple of primers first.
Now, without further ado;
THE IMPERIUM OF MAN
The largest unified (mostly) faction in the galaxy. Here are your humans. As most players are human, the Imperium tends to be well-represented by the players, not hurt by Games Workshop's marketing either. They are ruled by our most Holy God-Emperor of Mankind, whose name is lost to the ages and is essentially a slowly decaying corpse whose psychic essence is the only thing keeping the horrors of the Warp from entering Holy Terra (aka The Planet Formerly Known As Earth).
They break down into several sub-factions who inevitably end up fighting each other almost as much as the enemies of Man.
Imperial Guard (aka Astra Militarum aka Redshirt Army)
The Imperium's regular army, these are average Joes whoe are given a high-powered laser rifle that is equivalent to a flashlight in this setting as their main weapon. They have lots of nice tanks, and Commissars to BLAM! some unlucky bastard and rally the rest of the troops back into battle.
Space Marines (AKA Adeptus Astartes aka Spess Mehreens)
The poster boys of Warhammer 40,000 (they get enough publicity, hence not mentioning them first). My first army consists of these guys from the Crimson Fists. They are genetically altered, bio-augmented, power armored super soldier warrior-monks typically armed with chainsaw swords and guns that shoot armor-piercing mass-reactive rockets. Also PAULDRONS. They have some nice tanks, though not nearly as powerful as the Guard, due to the whole super soldier thing I mentioned. They are divided into Chapters of (usually) 1000 Marines (formerly Legions of thousands). Most adhere to a document called the Codex Astartes (written by the
Blood Angels
Angel Vampire Space Marines. They have anger management issues, manifested in the Red Thirst and Black Rage. The Black Rage is when the Blood Angel in question gets to relive the death of their Primarch (it apparently caused some sort of psychic feedback in his Legion) and completely lose their sh*t. The only way to overcome it is in death (though there is at least one who managed it through sheer force of will). Such afflicted Angels are given black armor and assigned to Death Company who act as shock troops, generally murdering everything in their path.
Dark Angels
Extra grimdark Knights Templar Space Marines. They have a fetish for plasma weapons. Also they hunt down their
Anyway, very secretive and woe to anyone who gets too close to the truth. Loyalists though, definitely loyalists.
Space Wolves (aka Wolves of Fenris)
My favorite Chapter, and the second army I started building. Space Viking-Werewolf Space Marines. While the Blood Angels try to follow the Codex Astartes, and the Dark Angels at least pay lip service, the Space Wolves openly reject it. They are the Emperor's Executioners (there are 2 Legions of the original twenty who have been expunged from the Imperial records; it is heavily implied the Space Wolves exterminated them on orders from the Emperor, who is admittedly kind of a jerk). Their troop organization differs somewhat. Also somewhat hypocritical (We don't use psykers, we use Rune Priests, which are totally the same thing but we won't say so) but I won't get into it too much as people get touchy about these things :)
I think they're awesome. So there.
The Inquisition
Nobody expects the Inquisition. Their job is to root out heresy in the Imperium. They tend to be a little too good at their job, because grimdark, and so anyone who kind of almost might perhaps resemble a heretic in the right lighting is probably going to be BLAMmed just in case. In addition to the normal humans (with shiny toys for destroying heretics) this includes:
Grey Knights
Psychic Super Space Marines. Shiny, shiny armor and absolute (almost?) unbreakable will vs Chaos. Though Space Marines, they are not part of the Adeptus Astartes, rather they are the Ordo Malleus of the Inquisition. Their augmentations (aka geneseed) are supposedly based on that of the Emperor himself. They get bonuses to killing Daemons and all carry force weapons (chance to instagib multi-wound models).
Sisters Of Battle (aka Adepta Sororitas aka Nuns With Guns aka Bolter B*tches)
Female Space Marines (basically; they have Power Armor but lack genetic alteration and bio-augmentation, at least to the ridiculous extent of Astartes). Even more religiously fanatical than most Space Marine Chapters. GW hates them so they tend to suck. Moving on...
CHAOS
The Warp is Hell and Hyperspace (seriously; the Imperium relies on it for faster-than-light travel) and home to the Ruinous Powers. I won't go into detail, but the 4 Chaos Gods are: Khorne, Tzeench, Nurgle, and Slaanesh. There are essentially two sub-factions for tabletop purposes:
Chaos Daemons
Yep, Daemon instead of Demon. I don't know why. Anyway, the Warp manifests all emotions generated by living beings, particularly those with a strong Warp presence (basically psychic connection), such as humans and Eldar. And because the Warp was long ago twisted into the source of all evil, everything gets horribly messed up. The result is typically Daemons, horrific monsters with unspeakable powers. Most normal humans are driven mad simply seeing these guys. Others tend to get BLAMmed by the Inquisition because of potential corruption. All Daemons belong to one of the Chaos Gods. They range from minor Daemons up to the truly terrifying Greater Daemons such as Bloodthirsters, which is pretty much the incarnation of horribly brutal murder.
Chaos Space Marines (aka Evil Marines aka Spiky Marines)
These are the Legions that betrayed the Emprah during the Horus Heresy 10,000 years ago. Some serve one specific Chaos God (such as the World Eaters serving Khorne) while others serve them as a unified pantheon (such as the Black Legion). Others don't care for the Chaos Gods and just see them as the means to an end (such as the Iron Warriors).
ELDAR (aka Space Elves aka Elfdar)
Manipulative space elf ninja wizards. Powerful psykers. They use the Webway for FTL travel. While generally regarded as one of the, ah, "good" factions, this is the race that helped birth a Chaos God (Slaanesh, who is actively trying to eat their souls) and will happily wipe out a planet of several billion humans to save a few of their own (they have something of a superiority complex). Still, Chaos is their common enemy with the Imperium and so the two factions have been known to put aside their differences from time to time and maintain relatively friendly relations... sometimes.
DARK ELDAR (aka Deldar)
Evil space elf ninja pirates. Powerful psykers, though they don't really use them to stay hidden from Slaanesh (their less evil brethren have a work-around for that). Also users of the Webway. These are the guys who are not so sorry for the whole birthed-a-Chaos-God-and-damned-our-whole-race incident and are still out looking for the highest highs and any other form of pleasure (or any feeling whatsoever, torture and bondage are common themes). Arguably the most grimdark race in the game.
ORKS
ORKS IS MADE FOR FIGHTAN!!! GREEN IS DA BEST!!! NOW GET TA KRUMPIN DEM PUNY 'UMIES!!!!! WAAAGGHHH!!!!
Ahem, anyway, highly aggressive football hooligan fungal humanoids with ridiculous technology that literally runs on wishes and dreams. They love dakka and need moar of it. These maniacally violent/violently maniacal creatures serve as the settings comic relief. Let that sink in for a bit.
NECRONS
Formerly Terminator expies. Now Terminator expies with an Egyptian theme, or Tomb Kings IN SPAAAAACE!!!! depending on how you want to look at it. Once they wanted to destroy all life in the galaxy, but this was retconned because the Tyranids were doing that too so it made them redundant or something. They want to destroy most life but need some to take over their bodies or something, they apparently don't want to stay regenerating murder robots. They like tesla weapons and giant battle pyramids (it's actually pretty awesome).
TYRANIDS
Neutral hungry space bug lizard things bent on omnomnomming all life in the galaxy. Sweet, sweet models. Arguably the largest army in the setting (some ridiculous estimate says their biomass is equal to one third of the galaxy or something). If you like huge creatures and swarm armies, this is the army for you.
TAU EMPIRE
Space communist weeaboo fish people with sweet guns and Gundam suits. These guys are arguably the nicest race in the galaxy (though they may or may not use mind control, prison camps and forced castration for those who don't get with the program). Generally the least grimdark race in the setting, which is played up as naivete, as grimdark is needed just to survive. They lack Warp presence and as such, their FTL travel sucks so their Empire's expansion has been painfully slow. But they have absurdly powerful railguns and jetpacks on their Gundam suits. Shootiest army in the game. Do not get into close combat if you like winning or not looking like a complete idiot.
So there's my condensed and probably not very insightful take on the armies of Warhammer 40,000. Let me know your favorite army in the comments (or why I am stupid for supporting the Space Wolves and not the Dark Angels or
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