Magic Humor

Just thought for a change I'd talk about something that's not video games. One of my other hobbies is Magic: The Gathering, the original collectible card game. For those not in the know, you play a planeswalker, a wizard with untold magical power, able to traverse the planes of the multiverse at will. You accomplish this by throwing all of your money away on booster packs building a deck of spells, drawing from 5 colors of mana, as well as powerful artifacts and allies in the form of other planeswalkers.

The five colors are red, black, blue, green and white. Each represents different aspects of nature, the elements, humanity, etc. I won't get into the details here, as that would potentially fill up a separate blog post. I instead direct you here if you aren't familiar with the details. My favorite colors are red and black. My brother's favorites are red and blue, because ADHD. Anyway, we were discussing a scenario a while back, about what planeswalkers representing each two-color combination would do (familiarize yourself with the original Ravnica cycle, it helps).

The planeswalkers have, for various reasons (which would probably take too long to figure out) gathered at this small village on some backwater world. A Great Wurm is rampaging its way straight at the village. Here's the breakdown of how each of these folks handle it:

The Red/Green planeswalker has already gone charging after the Wurm the instant he heard about it, because planning shmanning.

The Red/White planeswalker has starting rallying the townsfolk into a militia, so they they can all charge forward without a plan as a team.

The Black/White planeswalker is hustling townsfolk for "protection money", lest something unfortunate happen to them and their families. He may decide to help or, more likely, he'll bail with the cash.

The White/Green planeswalker has set forth to try and make friends with the Wurm.

The Blue/Black planeswalker is currently working out how he can use the current situation to his advantage, perhaps to take over the village in the ensuing chaos.

The Blue/White planeswalker is trying to gather the remaining planeswalkers and townsfolk to try and draft a preliminary pre-defense strategy, then try to iron out the details for a finalized pre-defense strategy. Followed by taking a vote on how to organize a cohesive defense strategy when the Wurm arrives...

The Red/Black planeswalker starts destroying the town because THE VILLAGE IS DOOMED ANYWAY AND WHY SHOULD THE WURM HAVE ALL THE FUN?!?!

The Blue/Red planeswalker suggest that we use our powers to  MOVE THE VILLAGE approximately 1.6 miles away to that plateau over there, then we construct a DECOY VILLAGE where the old village once was, so the Wurm destroys that instead, and we need to come up with a distraction to keep it busy in case we might need more time, and DID SOMEONE SAY WAFFLES? I LOVE WAFFLES!

The Blue/Green planeswalker is probably responsible for creating the Wurm in the first place.

And finally, the Black/Green planeswalker is planning to help in the defense, in hopes that the Wurm will be vanquished. That way, he can raise it once more and use it for his own ends.

There was also a scenario involving a banana shortage, but I forgot how that one shook out. I'll save that for another day.